


Silent Screamer

by WastefulPhoenix



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 09:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WastefulPhoenix/pseuds/WastefulPhoenix
Summary: Nono is cute





	Silent Screamer

I remember being walked to school with a huge smile on my face. It was my first day of school and unlike some of the other children who seemed to just not want to be there, I was excited. My experience with anyone outside my parents was very small and I was brimming with curiosity. Most of all, I wanted to share the picture book that I clutched to my chest.  
  
Looking back on it, my tastes haven’t changed much since then. The book was simple. There’s a knight and there’s a princess stuck in a castle. The knight saves her from her castle and they live happily ever after. My favorite character was the knight. You’d have to be really cool and strong to fight off a dragon and save a princess, right? If that could happen to me, I could be just as happy as the princess was.  
  
My ideas were as pure as fresh snow. The best part is that the other girls in my class enjoyed my book, too. Though, their ideas on what was cool clashed with mine sometimes. The girls mostly liked the princess more than anything, and the boys were interested more in the dragon than the knight. If no one else liked the knight, then I was happy to be the unique one.  
  
When I told my parents about the opinions that baffled me at the time when we walked from school together, they simply told me that I should do what I felt was comfortable. That was their basic answer for almost everything. My parents weren’t the confrontational sort and lived in whatever way they pleased. They were nice to me all the time and only scolded me if I could get into serious injury doing something.  
My first two or three years of school were fun. Most everyone was nice and spent time with me. Even though people read books with me less and less as that time went on, as long as I had someone with me, I didn’t feel alone. People started to get more interested in modern technology and physical prowess, so even I started to try following the newest trends.  
  
But, I couldn’t keep up. There were always a handful of kids I couldn’t beat at something. Many of those children had more modern games or toys, were faster and smarter, or were more popular. I tried to standout right alongside them, but I’d always felt more comfortable with a book in my hands, so that’s what I decided to do. If I didn’t venture out my safe zone, then I’d be perfectly fine.  
  
Even though I felt that way, I still tried to do things with my classmates, even if they didn’t really rub off on me well. The beginning of 4th grade, I’d often sit at my desk and read as I normally did. I’d heard that people who weren’t part of a group were often attacked for being different, but everyone was nice to me. I felt very lucky in that regard.  
  
“Morikubo-chan!” I was snapped out of my trance by the voice of one of my classmates from my desk. I didn’t want to, but I slowly tore my eyes from the words to examine her and the usual small group of girls who’d come to visit me at least once a week.  
  
“Hello,” I responded meekly. All of my time spent in a book had made my conversation skills suffer, so every word that came out of my mouth felt shaky and awkward, I was sure.  
  
“You want to go out with us after school? Doesn’t it get boring staying alone all the time?”  
  
It never got boring for me. Did I have to go outside just because everything else was doing it? I wanted to say the words that echoed through my head, but I kept them to myself. I didn’t know how they’d respond if it came out the wrong way, so my reply was as awkward as usual.  
  
“For a little bit…I think,” I looked away since I was sure I didn’t really appear as enthusiastic as I knew they were hoping. I didn’t want to see their disappointed faces.  
“Great. We’ll all be waiting for you outside later.”  
  
I waited for the chorus of shoes walking away from me before I decided to look back over to them. She didn’t sound as disappointed at my lack of excitement than I thought they’d be. That was nice, though I still didn’t see their faces.  
  
These girls came to me a lot to try and talk since I never went out of my way to go and talk to others. If I was honest with myself, it was more of a nuisance that they’d constantly come to try and take me outside, but never offered to read with me instead. I felt as if they were desperately trying to pull me out of my comfort zone.  
  
This kind of thing went on for months. Constantly being asked to go somewhere and do something I didn’t really want to do. The times I answered yes were because I felt that maybe they’d leave me alone if I satisfied them for a day or so. They were persistent and their approaches slowly became even more aggressive. I was very much being hunted for some reason.  
  
“Morikubo-chan!” The voice of my hunter scraped its claws against my ears yet again.  
  
“Ee…” I croaked in response to the feet marching over to me. I didn’t understand how they managed to find me wherever I hid.  
  
Clearly on a mission, they stopped in front of me, led by the usual eager girl that always spearheaded her way into my personal bubble. Suddenly the beanbag chair I’d dragged into the corner to sit in felt like quicksand that locked me in place. I already knew what they wanted. It was the same thing all the time.  
  
Over time I’d taken to finding hiding spots in school during breaks. The corners of libraries, secluded spots on the roof, and even closets, if I could find one suitable for me, were perfect candidates. It was to get away from the noise in the classroom during lunch and breaks. Since the beginning of the year, people had started to make friends and groups, which meant things were much livelier since the beginning of the year. On top of that, I was also trying to run away from this group.  
  
“Sensei wants you in the lounge,” As she said that, there was a large and proud smile on her face.  
  
The words that had reached my ears certainly weren’t the ones I was used to hearing from her or any of her other crew members. Why would the teacher want me all of a sudden? Had I done something wrong? My grades weren’t amazing, but I wasn’t failing anything, either.  
  
“W-why?” As I questioned her, I reluctantly closed my book and tucked it under my arm. After releasing myself from the quicksand chair, I was sure my displeasure was visible on my face. This gave me a bad feeling.  
  
“He just wants to talk to you, Morikubo-chan. It’ll be fine, you shouldn’t be in trouble.” The stark opposite of my tone shot back at me with absolute confidence.  
  
“Ah..okay. Could you…put this chair back for me?” Asking favors was normally something I wouldn’t do, but I didn’t want them to follow me around, so I needed to distract them.  
  
Was I in trouble or not? With that question plaguing my mind, I slowly made my way to the lounge, making sure to steer clear of those girls to the best of my ability. This was time I could be using on something else, but for some reason people didn’t want to just let me be at peace here.  
  
“S-Sensei,” I muttered as my feet hesitantly carried me into the office.  
  
My arrival to the longue was as quiet as I could make it. Luckily there wasn’t much chatter in here, so maybe I could start to use this place as a hiding spot. The teachers wouldn’t bother me if I decided to sit down in here, right?  
  
“Ah, Morikubo-chan. How’re you feeling?” He called me over by waving a small piece of wrapped candy between his fingers. Of course I took it like an small animal to bait.  
  
“Fine… Why do you need me?” I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, so I got straight to the point.  
  
“Don’t worry, you’re not in any sort of trouble. I just want to ask how you’re doing with the other students. I see that you’re alone often, so I was just wondering if you’ve made any friends.”  
  
The expression on his face was earnest, but I’d still fallen into his trap with the candy. I instantly regretted the taste of sugar and cherry that filled my mouth. Compared to how I felt about being asked that question, my tastebuds were having an amazing time.  
  
Friends? I didn’t have any of those, if I thought about it. The people who wanted to constantly get me to do things didn’t want to do the things I wanted to do and were starting to get rather pushy about getting me into their group as well. Those weren’t friends, I thought.  
  
“Morikubo…prefers the quiet. Most of my classmates are,” The word I wanted to use that sounded the least offensive danced around out of reach in my head for a few moments before finally coming to mind. “Loud… Morikubo doesn’t have that kind of energy.”  
  
It felt good to say it aloud, even if I wanted to use many other words to describe my opinion of my classmates. Annoying and obnoxious were just two of them that came to mind, but I didn’t want to offend anyone.  
  
Sensei put his hand on his chin for a moment in thought. It wasn’t like I was asking him to solve any problems for me, but he seemed to think that it was his job to get me to become more energetic like the others. Was I being constantly hunted because I was quiet? Did these people go out and mess with big dogs that were minding their business as well? Perhaps it was because I was small.  
  
Being unable to think up some magical solution to my ‘problem’, Sensei decided that he’d think up something later. Despite my quiet attempts to convince him that nothing was wrong with me, he gave me a reliable smile and a thumbs up instead as if to encourage me and then sent me on my way.  
  
Naturally, I denied the girl’s request to go out for burgers, but this time it was because I felt they had something to do with me being called to the office. I was sure that wasn’t out of the blue and that they were now collectively pointing swords at me and would poke and prod until I decided to go bask into the sun with them.  
  
A little frustrated, I walked home and decided to consult my parents and what to do about the people in my class. Perhaps I was the wrong one here and sitting around was a problem? I’d seen a lot of things on TV about getting out of your comfort zone making you a better and cooler person, but that was a lot of work that I didn’t want to do.  
  
Once I walked into the door, my mother was sitting on the couch typing away at her laptop on the couch as usual. This wasn’t the time to interrupt her since she was writing at the moment. But, as I was approaching the steps, she called out to me.  
  
“Welcome home, Nono. Come here for a second.” Her auburn hair bounced around a little as she swayed her head back in forth in some rhythm I didn’t quite get. She didn’t even have her headphones on this time.  
  
“Are you writing? Or drawing today?” Dropping my backpack at the steps, I quickly made my way besides her, pushing her tablet out the way.  
  
“A little of both. There’s some poems I want you to read and judge for me. I also wrote a small fiction piece, too. If you have the time, I’d like you to look that over for me,” She touched her chin in thought for a moment. “ Ah, I did a prototype for another fairy tale picture book, as well. I’m pretty proud of this one.”  
  
She repeatedly shot off so many of her small accomplishments that I was surprised that it was only evening. My mother was not only an artist, but an author of many different of genres. It was her who got me into reading and all kinds of stories. I was what she referred to as her “Junior Editor”, as I was the first person to look over all her works.  
  
Placing the laptop on my lap, I started to slowly read over some of her pieces as she began to impatiently tap her fingers on the arm of the couch. Mom always got like this when someone was reading her stuff. Wasn’t it a waste of the effort if she didn’t want anyone to read it?  
  
“Wording is too stiff. This sentence needs to be reworded. This character does nothing for the story… And this paragraph feels like a giant waste of space.” Just as she had quickly repeated her accomplishments for today, I shot out criticisms of her works in the same fashion.  
  
I was only able to do this because I knew she wouldn’t be offended or uncomfortable with what I was saying as she’d been chewed out much worse by her editors before. Nothing I could say was going to hurt her feelings and I could speak my mind without any hesitation at home.  
  
“Hmm… Put them in the notes and mark them up. I’ll tell you the ideas I was going after in response as usual.”  
  
We went on like this for about two hours before she had to stop and start making dinner. My mind having been filled with working for her, I’d forgotten about asking her the questions I wanted to ask earlier. Taking a seat at the table, I glued my eyes to her back as I rolled a tangerine around the table.  
  
“Mom.” I called out as a I started to peel the tangerine.  
  
“What is it?” Without turning, she answered me, probably focusing on the veggies she was cutting.  
  
“Is there something wrong with me?” It was the first thing that came to mind, so it was the first thing I decided to ask. That was how I feeling, after all.  
  
“Why would you ask that? You sick or something?”  
  
“Everyone at school is trying to get me to go outside and do things I don’t want to do. Even Sensei is trying to get me to make friends that I don’t want. I just want to read. Is that wrong?”  
  
“Nope. Just do whatever you think is comfortable, Nono. Me and your Father have your back with whatever choices you make. If it makes you happy, then don’t worry about it.”  
  
The usual response to all my questions about what I should and shouldn’t be doing. It was a nice answer for me, that way I didn’t feel much guilt when I declined people or decided to run away from things. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted if it wouldn’t kill me. That’s how my parents raised me.  
  
Gaining that small boost of confidence in my decisions, I went to school the next day planning on carrying out things the same way I’d always had. The bad feeling from before still lingered with me and it was for good reason. My hunch about when uncomfortable things were about to happen was normally correct.  
  
“Good Morning, students. Today we’re going to do something different. We’re going to do something I want to call a Hobby Collection,” Sensei announced himself as if he’d discovered the cure to a deadly disease.  
  
As if to accompany the dread that had filled me, a symphony of murmurs in regard to the name and whatever this activity may ensue filled the room. I instantly grimaced since I knew that this had something to do with me. Whatever this was had to be the idea he was trying to come up with the day before.  
  
After settling down the commotion in the class, he raised his hands and started to speak, which only made me even more anxious than I already was, “What we’re going to do is write all of our hobbies and interests on a piece of paper along with our name. Then, we’re going to look around and see whose interests match your own and get to know them a little bit. Or, if someone else has interests you’ve never looked into, you should try to get to know them. Some of you are already friends, but there’s no harm in making more, right?”  
  
Sensei’s eyes locked onto me, confirming the fact that I was indeed being hunted down in particular, as I’d thought. I felt like I already knew how this was going to work out, but there was a hope inside of me that this wouldn’t go as badly as I thought it would. So, I participated because of that light that might’ve been at the end of the tunnel.  
  
My interests were simple: reading, fairy tales and quiet places. As everyone completed their papers and started to roam around the room exchanging them, I waited for whoever was possibly interested in me to come over. Of course, I gave their lists the time of day and look them over. Things like sports, games, going out, getting married, and all those others things were lost of me. Even worse was that a majority of things I’d already tried to get into and failed or couldn’t enjoy were what my classmates were mainly interested in.  
  
I’d steeled myself slightly, so it didn’t hurt as much as I thought when no one came over to talk to me afterwards, or asked about my interests. I was used to being alone, but what really hurt me was listening to the whispers in the room that seemingly overpowered the words of the book in my hand. In reality, I’m sure they weren’t very loud, but in my head they were screaming.  
  
“Isn’t she too old for fairy tales?”, “She’d fit in more if she got to know people”, “We should invite her out again. It’s sad just watching her sit there. She only smiles when she’s reading something.”, “Someone should go over there.”  
  
My legs stood by themselves. Whatever fueled them was probably the negativity that had suddenly started to fill my heart. I ran like the prey that I was. With only the slightest bit of guilt in my heart, I took myself back home as quickly as my legs could move me. As I walked I decided that there was no point in what I’d been trying to do. If no one was going to leave me alone and let me be comfortable, then I’d just leave them there. I’d stay in my sanctuary.  
  
“Hoh, you’re early today,” My mother was standing at the door as I walked in as if she’d seen my decision coming miles away. Her tone wasn’t suspicious in the least. In fact, she wasn’t even looking at me as she said it. She had a laptop in one hand and was typing with the other.  
  
My eyes were glued to the floor. I felt like if I talked a dam would break and I’d burst into tears. So I stayed silent since it was all I could do to hold my composure. Even if I did start crying, I didn’t really know why I’d be crying to begin with. I just knew that my heart hurt.  
  
“I’ve got some work for you to check out when you find the time. Are you hungry? I can take a break,” She asked me as she finally looked down at me from the corner of my eye.  
  
I nodded since it was all that I could do right now and slowly made my way to my room. When I finally got in, most of my stress melted away. Three of the walls in my room were bookshelves filled with books, though there were some empty spaces left, most of the shelves had been filled by now. This was my sanctuary.  
  
A good portion of these books were actually written by my mother. If there was anything that inspired me, it was definitely her. I’d just stay here with her for a while until I felt better about going to school and dealing with my classmates. I could try again later, even if it hurt for now. Putting my bag in the closet and closing the door was how I cemented that decision in my mind.  
  
A few minutes later, I was at the table and eating a bunch of sliced apples. Naturally, my mother didn’t ask questions. She never did ask much of me, nor did my father when he was around, which was rare. He was normally off doing whatever he wanted when he wasn’t working. From what I knew, he got home when I was sleeping and left before I woke up more often than not.  
  
“I don’t want to go to school anymore, Mom.” I didn’t say it in a low voice at all. This was my sanctuary; I could do what I wanted here.  
  
“Okay. You can help me get my work together since you’re going to be here,” She accepted it from behind her laptop without any kind of fight at all. It made me smile for the first time today.  
My lack of confidence in my own decisions made me not want to go to school at all, so I wouldn’t. If I couldn’t feel comfortable with myself as long as I was there, then I’d just stay here. My parents wouldn’t ask me questions unless I asked them. So, camping out at home until some of my courage came back would be fine, right?  
  
That is what started my downward spiral.  
  


**********

  
While I wasn’t going to school, I took up writing poems and I genuinely fell in love with it. I could finally create my own things. That was what really got to me. After a few months I felt that I finally had something I was good at, but I never showed them to anyone. Not a single person, even my mother. I wrote for myself and my own self-satisfaction.  
  
I’d also started to collect a lot of shoujo manga. I experienced all kinds of romance plots and got filled with so many emotions that I started to want the knight that I’d fallen in love with in that picture book as a child. I wanted someone like that to come fall in love with me. Or even for me to fall in love with someone like that. It didn’t matter. We’d fall for each other eventually.  
  
What I couldn’t extinguish from my heart was the small bit of hope that I had that I could fix whatever was wrong with me. So, after missing school for a long time, I decided to go back before the school year ended. That was certainly a mistake.  
  
I was barraged with so many questions by classmates that I left and went home again within the hour. I came back each time that I decided to take a chance and adjust to school again with even more confidence that it wasn’t going to work for me. They didn’t understand that if I was pressured too hard, I’d run away back into my hole. They invited me everywhere, crowded around my desk, and asked me questions all at once.  
  
So, in the castle that was my home, I trapped myself until the school year passed by. Every phone call from the school that I was going to fail the school year was deftly deflected by my mother or even my father if he was around. My castle was sturdy and impenetrable, but I still felt unsatisfied deep in my heart.  
  
“Dad, am I in any trouble for dropping out this year?” I asked the question to my father during one of the rare days he was home, sitting beside me as I was working on some of my mother’s drafts.  
  
“It’s just a small portion of your life. You’ll pass perfectly fine if you decide to go next year. Don’t worry, I believe in you,” He said without looking at me, keeping his eyes glued to the TV.  
  
Inside, I felt like there should’ve been some sort of consequences to my actions, but they never came from my parents. So, I went to school the next year. Perhaps there truly was something wrong with me, because no matter what I wasn’t comfortable simply trapping myself in the house yet. Part of me thought that the new year with new children would give me a more comfortable way to deal with my classmates even if I had to retake this grade.  
  
But, as usual, my expectations of myself weren’t what I thought they’d be. This year’s children were entirely different, as was the teacher. Instead of being approached, I was ostracized because of my loner personality. Often, fun was poked at me for reading the kind of books I read at my age, having to retake the year and overall not being social. I was pushed even deeper into my shell than I’d ever been.  
  
Yet, that small bit of hope inside me guided me forward despite wanting to run and hide every day. At the very least, I wanted to get through the school year. I wonder what was my driving factor dealing with the bullying, the Sensei who also thought there was something wrong with me, and my own negativity that made it almost impossible to interact with people anymore.

**********

I graduated into middle school with decent grades. It was normal that I didn’t stand out in anything that wasn’t English related, but it was something I was certainly proud of. I was weak, timid and always wanted to bury myself away from any conflict, but maybe I could become like my mother one day. Maybe I could find a knight that would come save me as well.  
  
Who would’ve thought that a phone call could bring so me so much joy and so much sorrow into my life? I was begged into coming to fill in for someone for a photoshoot since my uncle was a photographer. I decided to go along with it just so I didn’t disappoint him. If it was just pictures, then I could do it. Maybe it would even be fun?  
  
When I arrived at the location all the hope drained from me as it usually did. I was used to that feeling. I wasn’t told the kind of person I’d be standing in for, only that client hadn’t shown up. There were girls here that I’d even seen on TV before, and even if I hadn’t seen some of the other girls that were sitting around and chatting, they were far cuter than me and had cuter smiles and everything. Why was I here? Did my uncle catch my scent this time?  
  
“Hey, Nono,” The voice made me jump in surprise as I was already in the process of thinking of somewhere to hide in here.  
When I turned around, it was my uncle who’d called my name. Much taller than me, with a camera hanging around his neck and a smile that I felt was going to turn me to dust, he put a hand on my shoulder and look me over as if I was a piece of meat.  
  
“H-hello, Uncle…I don’t think…I can do this,” I muttered. Maybe someone here would hide me if I asked nicely.  
  
“You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I just want to take your picture and nothing else.”  
  
“All of the girls in this room are much more…dazzling than Morikubo, so…Could you take someone’s pictures twice?”  
  
Being compared to these girls would only disappoint someone. My pictures in a stack with all of theirs? That’s the equivalent of mixing a small watermelon with a bunch of big ones but making the prices the same. Anyone would rather get more for their money and time.  
  
“You’re already here. So, I’m going to take you to the make-up room to get you ready.”  
  
“But—“ He’d already started pushing me along gently towards the back away from all the other girls and flashing cameras before I could try to talk my way out of the conversation.  
  
The make-up room was simple. I’d never worn make up before so the entire process of how it was supposed to work was foreign to me. As the lady worked on my hair and face, I avoided any eye contact I could in the mirror. My heart was pounding for multiple reasons and I truly felt this was a waste of time for me and everyone else involved who had to deal with me. But, I was here, so I could at least see this through.  
  
After we were done the make-up portion, I dressed up. When I finally looked at myself in the mirror, I was…impressed. It was less the make-up that impressed me, but the dress. This was…definitely a princess dress. Was this really me? Since the make-up artist had left and I didn’t feel anyone else’s eyes on me, I let a slow smile spread over my face as I looked over my reflection.  
  
“Pretty….” The words came out under my breath as if they were involuntary. This was a rare instance of me earnestly complimenting myself about anything that wasn’t my poems.  
  
Even without a knight, I felt that I’d taken the role of the princess for just this moment. It gave me enough confidence to at least not think about hiding from this photoshoot like I had been thinking before. If I could live inside this fairy tale in my mind for a bit, then I could see this one day through. No one was going to come rescue me, but advertising myself a little wasn’t a bad idea, just in case.  
  
So, without making eye contact with the camera in my pictures at all, I did what I set out to do for once. I took my pictures and tried to show off the dress more than myself, as if it was the most important part of the shoot and not me. I didn’t quite know what made a princess, but the dress seemed like a staple. The person inside it had never seemed to matter much in fairy tales.  
  
Satisfied with myself enough at completing the shoot, I attempted to scurry out as soon as possible before my happy feelings wore off or I got pulled into more jobs. But, I ran into someone as soon as I tried to go through the exit. As if the impact had jostled a lid inside me, those positive emotions vanished by the time my butt hit the floor.  
  
“S-sorry…I didn’t mean to,” I had to make at least one mistake before I got out of here, huh?  
  
“It was an accident. No problem, but are you trying to steal that dress? This is the exit, you know,” The victim responded without a hint of worry in her voice, but I did feel a little bit of condescension.  
  
It wasn’t as if I was trying to steal the dress, but I’d gotten so caught up in my emotions that I tried to get away while I was still enjoying them. I really did want to keep this dress for myself, though. It was sad I’d have to give it back.  
  
A small hand reached out to help me stand up. It was small, but firm and easily pulled me to my feet. When we stood before each other, she was shorter than me by a few inches and had on a smile I could never imagine would be on my own face. She exuded confidence with her stature alone. I’d met very few people like her before and she made me want to run away just by being in her presence.  
  
“Morikubo will…return the dress,” I attempted to go back to the dressing room, but of course I was stopped by her voice.  
  
“So, Morikubo is your name. You’re an idol, right? What agency?”  
  
“Idol? Morikubo…isn’t good enough to be an idol..” That was certainly the truth. There was no way I could ever even stand in for an idol outside today. I wasn’t reliable enough in the least for that kind of thing.  
  
“So, you just walk around in fancy dresses?” The girl’s smile turned into a confused expression and a headtilt. “If you’re worried about being good enough to be an idol, everyone has their own appeal, you know? You look like a really jittery person, but I’m sure you’d be super cute to a lot of people. Ah, but you’d probably never be as cute as me. No one is.”  
  
“I-isn’t that…a bit too forward?…Morikubo will never be as cute as you, but…someone else might.”  
  
The lavender haired girl proudly put a hand to her chest and puffed it out, clearly swelling with pride. This was the first time I’d had a conversation with someone else in a long time, much less someone who radiated an aura of not cuteness, but smugness.  
  
“My cute self has already surpassed her rival in cuteness,” A small laugh escaped her smiling lips as if I was supposed to know the power levels of herself and her rival. “Oh, my name is Kosh—“  
  
“Koshimizu-san!” The booming voice of my uncle once again made me jump in fear as he called the unfamiliar name. I truly hated loud noises.  
  
Turning around and seeing him come forward, I quickly stepped to the side to let him talk to the girl before me. His body language was much more tense and he looked over her with an obvious look of displeasure. She must be in trouble. She seemed like the type who got into trouble a lot.  
  
“Ah, I realize I’m late, but there’s a good reason. I got caught up studying and taking back my crown as the cutest thing in this world,” As Koshimizu-san spoke, even I was wondering if she was serious or joking around. My uncle clearly had experience with her as he didn’t give her much of a response.  
  
“You were late, so my niece took up your photoshoot time slot. Tell your Producer to make sure you’re on time. We have schedules too,” My uncle pointed his thumb over to me which made me want to excuse myself already.  
  
“Hoh?” I would think that being replaced in a photoshoot would make her angry, so I returned my eyes to the normal position of the floor as I felt her gaze once again look me over. “I’m much cuter than her. She does have potential, though.”  
  
“Hmmm…” I could sense my uncle’s gaze crawling over my next. I was certainly being hunted once more. My experience was more than enough to confirm this. But, I didn’t quite get what they meant by potential. What did I have potential for here?  
  
“U-uum…Excuse me…” I stammered as I attempted to bow and walk away, they both shouted my name in unison, causing me to almost trip on the dress on my first step away.  
  
“Photographer-san, don’t you think she’d be a pretty unique idol?” Koshimizu-san took a step towards me and instinctively, I took two steps back.  
  
“She does have the personality for one…” My uncle came towards me next, so I took four steps back. Maintaining distance was vital in these situations, but no matter how much my eyes darted around I still couldn’t find a place to hide.  
  
“To make up for my mistake, I’ll talk to my Producer. He’s outside; I’ll pay you back tenfold.”  
  
“Ee…What’s going on?” I asked, but neither of them answered. Instead, Koshimizu-san left out the door she entered from and my uncle smiled warmly in my direction.  
  
That was how I became an idol. Mostly against my will, my uncle talked to a man I didn’t know and Koshimizu-san looked me over as if I were cattle, detailing my selling points as if she’d known me forever. Honestly, the odd eye that this girl had about “selling points” made me consider that perhaps I wasn’t just a cluster of negativity and that there were actually things appealing me.  
  
Nothing any of those three had said involved things they really wanted to change about me, which was a far cry different than how those in school spoke to me. It felt like they were selling me for me for the most part, but that wasn’t enough to make me confident in being an idol or standing out among the others girls once I met them. But, I’d survived school up until now… So, maybe I could do this.  
  
One of the major selling points on me joining the agency was that they allowed me to keep the dress if I join. So, I hung it up on my door, so I could look at it every day when I woke up in the morning to go to the office. I’d decided that I’d trade this in for going to school as this was much more enjoyable. As long as I found time to study on the side, I’d be fine. Doing both would likely be too much for someone like me.  
  
Because of my tendency to hide, I’d managed to find another sanctuary in my Producer’s office. Under that desk I even had a neighbor named Syoko. She was nice…when she was being quiet. Sometimes she’d flip out when she got excited and her obsession with mushrooms was something I didn’t quite understand. I didn’t understand a lot of the people here and that was what made me feel the most at home. I felt just as unique as the others that Sachiko brought around.  
  
My weak personality wasn’t condemned here and no one made fun of me. Though, there were some very loud people here that I avoided as much as possible. The main one was the orange one that never stopped running. She reminded me of the dragons in my fairy tales, but instead of being the dragon itself, she was an endless flame. Her name was Akane, and she was on the top of my list.  
  
I continued to hide from things I didn’t like, but there wasn’t really any pushiness here outside Sachiko. I was much more comfortable if I was allowed to move at my own pace, which the Producer allowed me to do, but due to the fear of disappointing the people here, I pushed myself. I tried to do my best as much as I could within my own boundaries.

And so, the little light of hope that had been driving me all these years perhaps turned into a small flame.  


**********

  
Then, one day, it was my turn to do a radio show. It was there that I met Rin. Even though I was afraid of going on air and really, really, really didn’t want to be the host to begin with she worked with me patiently all of the way. In a way she was like the mothers or grandmothers I normally saw on TV or in books that gently guided their children into doing things.  
  
I wasn’t comfortable during that show at all, even with Rin there, but at the least I found the courage to recite my poetry live, even if it was temporary. The rest of the show I barely kept it together at all and only managed to make it to the end because of Rin’s shepherding, but there was a silver lining. There were many, many silver linings actually. All in the small amount of time we spoke to each other I felt many of my dreams could be realized from there on.  
  
Rin was the first person to ever put poetry together with me. Even if it was only for a single line, I could tell that she certainly had a knack for it given how quickly she pulled together a line that I struggled with. On top of that she was the first to offer to write with me or offer their contact information to me. It really was dreamlike, but my negativity wouldn’t let me accept all the doors that opened before me immediately, so I decided to watch her.  
  
When it came down to hiding capabilities, I was ranked 2nd best in the office because only a select few people could find me if I was serious. The person ranked below me was Anzu, whom I liked for never bothering me even when she visited on occasion. The person ranked above me was my other desk occupant, Mayu. There were rumors that it would take an organized team to find her if she truly wanted to hide from you, but I had never gone looking for her before. My own ability was the reason I could tail Rin rather effectively.  
  
From a distance, I followed her around the office because I was too scared to strike up conversation first and I wanted the courage to ask for her email at least. I didn’t know what following her was going to prove, but I just wanted to learn a little bit more about her first.  
  
As it stood, I was peering at her through the small glass panel in one of the lesson room doors, my eyes frequently darting between her and the other two practicing with her. This was New Generations, if I was correct. My experience with groups was small, but even I could see how perfectly in sync those three were. I doubted that I could ever do anything like that.  
  
It took me about a week of carefully following her around to decide that I should just come out and at least ask for her email. Even if I couldn’t talk to her very well in person, I could do fine over text. There was no eye contact to be made and overall it was safe and I could think about what to say before I said it. I’d use that as a first step.  
  
I made sure to catch her right after a solo lesson. I was already shaking with anxiety since I’d never done this kind of thing before and every time someone walked by I felt as if I should just hide on the spot. I felt so out of place in this open hallway that I feared the lights alone would burn me to ash. I was suddenly missing my sanctuaries. But, I held strong until she came out which is where my legs started to shake even more. I didn’t think the anxiousness could actually get worse.  
  
“Oh, Nono. What’re you doing here?” She gave me a light smile as she closed the door behind her.  
  
“A-ah…Rin-san…Y-you’re…” Words were getting stuck in my throat and I could feel myself crumpling under this simple task.  
  
“Take your time, Nono. Want to go for a walk until you’re calmer?”  
  
I silently nodded as I exhaled and allowed her to lead the way. Her odd amount of patience for me was something I truly admired. I was starting to calm within the first few steps. As long as she didn’t take me outside into the sun, I’d be fine. Where she actually took me was the exact opposite of anywhere I’d find uncomfortable.  
  
The office library was somewhere I didn’t visit often since I felt it’d be a very predictable place for someone like me to hide. It seems that she was returning a book of some sort. Naturally, I was curious as she pulled it out of her bag and decided to eye the cover and the author name. The author was Nono Keiko, which was my mother’s penname. She was reading my mother’s books? Was this really some of kind of dream?  
  
That book in particular was a title that I had helped her with quite a bit during the year I dropped out of school. It was a fictional romance novelette that twisted around the normal take on my favorite knight rescuing the princess take to a more extreme level. That was mostly because I somewhat manipulating the story into something I wanted to read more than anything.  
  
“A-ah…”Right as I was about to say something bad, I put a hand over my mouth. I couldn’t tell her that was my mother.  
  
“Hmm?” Rin turned towards me with a bit of expectation in her voice.  
  
“I’ve…read that book before. Did you enjoy it?”  
  
“I did. Too bad it was so short, even if it ended well, part of me wants even more from it. This author is oddly diverse, too. Have you ever read her books before?”  
  
“Some of them...” Though my eyes were glued to the floor again, a small smile had found its way on my face.  
  
“Which ones?”  
  
Rin spoke to me as she started to lead me around the library, and for once my responses weren’t absolutely dreadful. This was something I could talk confidently about even if I wasn’t the one who wrote the books directly, I took part in their creation. I felt as if she was enjoying my own works even just because of that. That was the reason I could hardly get the smile off my face.  
  
This really felt like something I’d read in one of my shoujo mangas before. The awkward girl finds someone who actually likes her after having been alone most of her life and eventually they end up together. I felt like something was blessing me here. Words came out of my mouth smoothly and Rin always had a response for me. I felt…comfortable with another person.  
  
The thirty minutes or so we spent inside the library felt like only a few seconds for me. It truly wasn’t enough to satisfy me as Rin told me that it was time for her to head out and walked towards the door. In fact, my heart had sunk upon hearing that she was leaving. That pain was what motivated me to speak up before she could exit.  
  
“Rin-san!” I’d called out to her with my fingertips trembling around my phone, handing it out to her with fear of rejection even if she’d offered before. “Let’s…trade emails…if you want to.”  
  
“Ah, you’re right one second.” She came over with a heavenly grin on her face, even though it was obvious she was rushing to leave and took care of the exchange for me since I had no idea how this worked.  
  
When Rin left, she gave me a wave and promised to message me when she got home. I honestly didn’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest at that moment. I couldn’t help but smile as soon she disappeared from sight and I clutched my phone to my chest. This was a friend, right? My first friend? Maybe I was just assuming that this is what a friend was, but it felt that way.  
  
“Heheh…” If I wasn’t afraid to draw attention to myself, I’d probably start skipping through the halls instead.  
  
Feeling the urge to write coming on, I decided to follow Rin’s idea of going home. I wanted to spend time in my sanctuary and wait for her to message me. There were really a lot of things I wanted to talk about, a lot of them being my mother’s books and maybe with time my own poetry if she wanted to get into that. That just made me wonder if she was as into the romance genre as I was… Would fairy tales be too childish?  
  
All of those thoughts and more swirled through my mind once I took to lying down on my bed, finally able to smile without restraining myself. Occasionally, I’d roll off the bed and twirl around a little just to celebrate my accomplishment. This was certainly the best day of my life  


**********

It wasn’t long before I built up the courage to eat together with her. If the day was too sunny we’d go outside to where that lying rabbit idol worked and drink tea, or if it was raining we’d simply stay inside somewhere and read or talk about poetry. While I was right that she had a knack for her, she wasn’t nearly as confident in herself as I had thought she’d be.  
  
“Nono, I don’t quite understand how this whole poetry thing works,” Rin scratched her head, looking down at the piece of paper that had eraser marks all over it.  
  
Since I was sitting across from her at the lying rabbit café, I couldn’t quite see what she had been writing this entire time to begin with. Some daring part of me decided to move my chair next to her and look over what she wrote. Though, I’d gotten a lot of experience editing with my mother, there was never anything I could teach her, so being in this role was very exciting and new for me. The best part was that I had an excuse to be this close to Rin.  
  
“It’s not as difficult as you think, Rin-san. You have lots of freedom with poetry. You can do mostly anything you want. If you don’t like something, you don’t have to do it. If you want to make something new, you can also do that. But, what are you having trouble with?” Only in these situations could I speak confidently and clearly without any stutters or nervousness. I had trouble making eye contact still, but my speech had gotten much clearer.  
  
“Putting the words together, really. If I’m doing something big, it should make sense all around, right?”  
  
“Rin-san, you’re restricting yourself too much,” I leaned in a little closer, trying to sneak into her personal space a little more. She smelled nice. “A poem can be one sentence too. For example: One who wanders too far dies in wonder. Or another could be: The ocean’s blue only goes as far as you.”  
  
I came up with those things off the top of my head. They had no meaning whatsoever, really. But, they sounded nice. If she asked me what they meant and I didn’t have an answer, I wouldn’t even be embarrassed. I’d only spent a month with Rin and part of my attitude had changed quite as bit and some of that increase in positivity even leaked into my idol career.  
  
“I see. You’re pretty smart, Nono.” Rin complimented me as she turned towards me and smiled in gratitude. To say it was blinding was an understatement, it attacked not only my eyes, but my heart.  
  
“Hehe…” Whenever she complimented me, it was hard to squeeze out words again for a while. I was used to compliments from fans and I’d even been called cute countless times from people around me, but whenever she gave me one, I somewhat believed it to be true. “Thank you, Rin-san.”  
  
“That being said, I have lessons to go to now. But, I was wondering… if you could do me a favor?” As Rin rummaged through her bag she actually sounded a little hesitant for some reason.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
What she produced was a small notebook that I had never seen her write in before. It said ‘Poems’ on it and the bashful look on her face made me realize exactly what it was that she was asking from me. Rin was cute. Super cute. Cuter than Sachiko by far. One day I’d tell Sachiko that proudly, even if she might yell at me for thinking that way.  
  
“Could you read these for me? I was hoping you’d give me some more pointers. Poetry is way harder than being an idol, it feels.” She held the book out to me and I could notice it was quivering a little. She was nervous and the little awkward smile on her face kind of made me want to tease her for some reason.  
  
Even as a poet, I was sure it’d take a lot of thinking to put into words exactly what this one little gesture meant to me. Of course she had been treating me very well as I’d started to get to know her, but this was extremely important to me. This must’ve been what it felt like to be proposed to or something. I silently took the book from her hand with the utmost care, rubbing my thumb across the cheap paper front. This was a treasure for me now. It was a shame I’d have to give it back later.  
  
“If it causes you a bit of trouble, you don’t have to read it,” Rin responded a bit half-heartedly, most likely in reaction to my prolonged silence.  
  
“No! This is…I’ll bring it back tomorrow, Rin-san… O-oh, also…” I could return the favor.  
I deftly pulled my own poem book from my bag and took a deep breath as I looked at it. My book was very expensive compared to the one she’d used. There were large metal locks on each side to make sure no one could get in without destroying it. It was probably along the lines of comparing a diamond to a rock you’d find in the street, but I didn’t feel the significance of either being exposed to the other was any different. We were exposing ourselves to each other, right?  
  
With a much shakier hand than her own, I held my book out to her. I was certainly afraid to show her this since I’d shown my work to no one else. I only wrote in this book when I wanted to relieve stress. So, a lot of what was inside was personal and weren’t just poems about fairy tales or things I saw outside every day. Small stories of me dropping out of school, how I felt about my parents and even my feelings of friendship were here.  
  
“This is… your poem book, right? Are you sure?” Rin’s hesitance was obvious in her voice as she asked and it only made me even surer to let her read it. If she was hesitant then she understood the meaning.  
  
“I am…one second…Rin-san…” Reaching into both my shoes, I quickly retrieved the three keys to the book and set them in her other hand.  
  
With smiles we parted ways and the moment she was out of sight, I felt completely naked all of a sudden. I had been toting around that book for years now so no one would get to it and now I’d given it to someone else to read. I was already embarrassed and wanted to die just thinking about it, but I wouldn’t have gotten to this point without becoming an idol. So, I was certainly happy from the bottom of my heart that I had done this.  
  
I was so happy that I went to go pay Sachiko a visit just to thank her, I’m sure I only served to inflate her ego further, but that was fine with me. She was the reason I was able to become an idol to begin with. I wouldn’t have ever even considered the idea if she hadn’t advertised me in the way that she did. In a way, she sold me to myself and one day I’d show her how much I appreciate that as well.  
  
When I read over Rin’s poems that night, I noticed that almost everything was different. More so, she never really tried the same thing twice. There were all different styles, all different subjects, all different lengths and even visual changes. It made me laugh, honestly. Perhaps this was why she was having so much trouble lately. It was as if she was looking for something. This showed off the research she was putting in behind the scenes, but she was trying too many things and not much ever made sense.  
  
Also, one of the major topics of her poems seemed to be her dog and someone she really liked. There were never any names besides Hanako’s, so I wonder who this person was that she was writing about. Though, as I flipped through the pages one word did catch my eye in particular: Princess. It was only said once and the line was more of a mess, but it seemed the general message was that she wanted to get to know her princess more.  
  
Who was this princess? Hmm? My eyes slowly locked themselves onto the dress that I still had hanging on the back of my door. I hadn’t worn it once since I’d become an idol, but it definitely served its reminder that I could be a princess. Right now, my thoughts were going by themselves, making me wonder if the princess here could really be referring to me.  
  
If I just jumped to conclusions, I’d hurt myself, right? Who could her princess be besides me? There are the girls in her two main units… The only one I’ve spent time with was Shimamura-san, but hadn’t they known each other since before I’d even gotten into the office? Surely, she knew her friends rather well by then. They couldn’t be it.  
  
Rin and I had discussed my love of fairy tales quite often. We’d even talked about knights and princesses and how those kinds of stories were simple, but nice. And we had been spending a lot of time together over the past month or so… What if that was why she gave me this book? Then, wouldn’t that mean that I’d made a good choice giving her mine, too? And this princess poem was one of the latest entries, too. Was she trying to tell me something?  
  
Did she want to be my knight?

Even though I allowed those thoughts to swirl through my head, I couldn’t bring myself to believe any one of my theories. Getting my hopes up only to be crashed would hurt me more than I wanted. Even I wasn’t that gullible anymore. But, I wanted to investigate things further. I wouldn’t ask questions, but I could just watch her as she spends time with me. Maybe if she didn’t say anything to me, I could come to a conclusion myself and act from there even if it took time to gather my growing confidence.  
  
Deciding that would be my plan instead of needlessly harming myself, I pulled out a rather large book from one of my bookshelves and opened it up. The inside was hollow and on the inside was another smaller book, cased in leather. Of course, this one also had a lock on it, but this one was a combination lock. After returning the dummy, I sat down and slowly, I rolled in the code 746 and unlatched it. Then I began to write once again as I had been doing every night. Maybe one day I’d give this poem book to Rin as well… I doubted I’d ever have the audacity to do so, but nothing was impossible.

**********

The next day, since it was starting to get into the rainy season, we took to sitting in the library this time and went about giving each other our books back. Naturally, my heart was heavy as I accepted my things back into my hands. It wasn’t as if I’d shown her every part of me with this book alone, but it was certainly most of me and was something I’d never done before in my life.  
  
“So, I don’t know where to start, really. I’m not good with these things… “ Rin started, staring at her book just as I had been staring at mine.  
  
“You’re a bit too free, Rin-san… You should try to focus on one thing for a bit longer… Wait until you dislike something before leaving it,” Since Rin wasn’t my mother, my responses were a lot more sugarcoated and soft, but I did start with criticism since she’d been trying to learn from me for a while now.  
  
“Hmmm, nothing really clicked, but I’ll take your advice next time. Meanwhile, your poems are really beautiful, Nono. I think I learned a lot reading them, in a lot of ways. Some of the things in there felt like diary entries, so I wasn’t sure if I should read them. I don’t want to ask anything that makes you uncomfortable, but may I ask one question?” She leaned in a little across the table as if she didn’t want anyone to hear her. I guess that was a good idea, I didn’t want anyone but her to really know about what was inside that book.  
  
A goofy smile took over my expression in response to her compliments as usual. As I nodded, I was very happy to know that she didn’t mind the issues I wrote about in there. Then again, maybe she didn’t even understand them all that well. She wasn’t very into poetry before I was asked to teach her, so part of me was satisfied if I didn’t make myself as vulnerable as I could have.  
  
“Your mother is…Nono Keiko? The Nono Keiko?” Rin’s voice was low and for once had some real emotion in it. Was this what it was like to be starstruck?  
  
“Morikubo Keiko…is my mother,” I said it even lower than she’d asked the question. Mostly because I felt a bit of guilt at how she’d react, but as usual my expectations weren’t really met.  
  
“No wonder you’re so good, Nono. Everything makes sense now. I was wondering why you always wanted to talk about her so much. She even named her penname after you. How sweet.”  
  
Rin wasn’t disappointed in the least. In fact, she clearly thought it was natural. That was quite relieving to me. My mother wasn’t the reason I was experienced at what I did, but she was the inspiration for it. This wasn’t like the situation with Sachiko being directly responsible, but I wasn’t going to correct Rin since she was smiling at the moment. I wanted to keep stealing glances at it for a bit longer.  
  
“You can come to my house and…meet her sometime if you want… She’s a nice person,” I really did want her to come meet my mother if that made her happy. I’d never brought a friend home before and I think that she really would like my room if she came over. I had a lot of things I could share with her there. But, I didn’t want to press her into anything. “You don’t...have to if you don’t want to…”  
  
“What a coincidence, I was going to invite you over to my place. I think we should go to my place first. I have a gift for you over there.”  
  
There were multiple reasons I thought I’d misheard her. I’d never thought once in my life that someone would invite into their home for one. And secondly, I never thought that anyone would really have a gift for me besides my parents. So many things that I’d thought were impossible for me were happening recently that I really was starting to think I was just dreaming all of this.  
  
“Huh…Hmm… I’d like to go. But, I don’t think I’d be very impressive to your parents. I’m not very outgoing..” I murmured, but I was sure she could hear me.  
  
“It’s okay. We’re friends, so they’ll be happy to see you. Would you like to go after we’re done with work? Or is that too last minute for you?”  
  
Too last minute? What was I actually busy with anyway? I’d been studying more recently with Sachiko’s help, so I wouldn’t fail school again, but I still didn’t go nearly as often as I should. Of course I’d go with Rin if she asked me. Nothing I was doing at home was as important as this was to me.  
  
“I’m not busy. I want to go. I have a lesson today, but I’ll meet you at the gate when they’re over. I should leave now to prepare,” I said between a smile that was starting to become a bit too frequent lately.  
  
My lessons weren’t for another hour or two, but I was so happy right now that I couldn’t really celebrate, even front of Rin. I wanted to go be happy alone in my office sanctuary for bit. It was my way of not embarrassing myself too much and draining some of this sudden flood of energy that was filling me.  
  
So, I said my goodbyes and found my way into my sanctuary. The producer’s office was empty for once, so I had the desk to myself for the time being. I laid my head back on the inside and even let my legs out instead of hugging them to my face as I normally would to avoid detection.  
  
I was wondering what this feeling in my chest was, mostly. Part of me wanted to call it freedom, but I had been free all of my life, right? Where lots of other children had parents who disciplined them all the time, I never had to deal with my parents being disappointed in me, nor was I constantly worried about making the wrong choice. What had changed about me since becoming an idol and meeting Rin?  
  
If I thought hard enough about it, it was the amount of effort I’d put into things of my own free will. Was I more positive now? I still felt like I was a no good person, but I also felt like I had potential. The ends of my thoughts at the end of the day were that I could fail something…but even if I did fail I wasn’t afraid of trying again.  
  
I’d started to acknowledge failure and success and even pushed a little tiny bit towards assuming I’d be successful instead. Sometimes I could make eye contact with crowds a little more or have a little more straightforward and smooth speech with people who weren’t Rin… Even if the main people were the Producer, Sachiko and Syoko at the moment, but it was progress in what I thought was the right direction.

**********

Luckily, the trip to Rin’s house didn’t involve much of the sun since it was evening. In fact, she didn’t live very long from the office and my body certainly thanked her for this. For some reason I’d never considered that she lived in the flower shop that she worked at. Was that why she smelled good all the time? A beautiful person wrapped in beautiful flowers all the time. That was a suitable environment for Rin.  
  
“H-Hello, Miss Shibuya,” I gave the best bow I could muster to the clerk that Rin introduced as her mother. To show my gratitude for birthing Rin, I even tried eye contact with a stranger for once. It failed miserable after the first second.  
  
“Good evening, Morikubo-chan,” When she responded, you could really see where Rin got her warm, yet cool smile from. What a powerful family. It was quite possible I’d wither away before I could leave this place today.  
  
My eyes glanced around as Rin led me up the steps that would take us to the apartment portion of the shop. It wasn’t long before the sound of hurried claws tapping the floor got louder and louder as she started to unlock a door at the top of the steps. I’d prepared myself for this. I wasn’t good with animals, but I’d been shown pictures of her dog before.  
  
Hanako burst through the smallest crack in the door he could fit through as it was opened, squeezing himself between the door and the frame as if he had no bones at all. The excited ball of fluff assaulted Rin’s legs first, showing the affection that I didn’t have the courage to show quite yet and then it came to me. Our treatment was rather different in that there was a lot more sniffing than any kind of enthusiasm whatsoever. But, eventually, I earned a lick. Maybe I’d earned a few points by standing as still as a tree as to not aggravate it.  
  
“He doesn’t bite, don’t worry,”Rin assured me and walked in. Hanako followed behind as if he were already on a leash.  
  
I was much less worried about him biting me than I was jealous that he was fortunate enough to have Rin come home to him every day. That was a weird thought, but it was true. As I shuffled behind her into her room, I eyed her neat apartment. This was the kind of environment I’d expect from people who raised her. There weren’t many colors, but everything was clean and organized. Stacks of magazines, some paintings here and dark colored furniture adorned the sitting area. It was much more western than I’d thought.  
  
“This is my room. Make yourself at home. I’ll get us some drinks,” Just as quickly as she’d introduced me to her room, she’d vanished along with her fuzzy little shadow.  
  
Even though I didn’t quite know my boundaries yet and I wanted to keep my eyes to myself, I looked around her room anyway. It was just as neat as everything else in the house, but two things in particular caught my attention. So, I took myself over to the first point of interest. It was a simple pinboard filled with all sorts of pictures. Her family, the dog, New Gen and Triad Primus were all included, but what bothered me was the face I was constantly seeing beside Rin’s.  
  
It was Shimamura-san’s. Many—no, the majority of these images were of those two alone. Well, it shouldn’t surprise me that Rin had other friends, but I’d never gotten to take a picture with her before, so naturally I was jealous. Was that actually natural? The other thing that bothered me was Shimamura-san’s smile in each on these… And even Rin’s. They stood out from everything else on this board, but I couldn’t quite understand why.  
  
Deciding to quit giving myself a headache, I turned to my other point of interest. It was a small bookcase that stopped at my knee. Seemed that she didn’t have as many books as I thought she would. I’d never really settled on an image of what I thought her room would be like, but perhaps I expected it to be closer to mine considering how well conversation flowed together when it came to books. Of course, I’d gone through the titles and to my pleasure found many of my mother’s works here. Most were about flowers, which I--  
  
“I’m back,” Rin’s voice broke me out of my train of thought so suddenly that I couldn’t help but yelp.  
  
“Ee..!” I’d embarrassed myself after only being here for a few minutes.  
  
“I didn’t mean to scare you. If I can make it up to you, there’s tea, cakes and I brought that gift for you.”  
  
Rin set down the food tray on the small table set in the middle of her room, pulling a moderately sized book from under it and offering it to me once I took my seat across from her. A smile spread over my face as the hardback covering touched my fingertips. This wasn’t a new book, I could tell from the way it felt.  
  
“The Language of Flowers… I’ve never read one of these before,” I gently traced my fingers over the words on the cover, considering them as precious as Rin herself.  
  
“You’ve been spending time teaching me things, so I thought I’d return the favor. Maybe it’ll help with some of your poetry in future.”  
  
“Thank you, Rin-san…”  
  
During the rest of the evening, I did everything with one arm since the other was clutching the book to some portion of my body as if it planned on running away from me. If I could’ve left and gone home for a bit to vent the urge to dance and sing right there, I would have. But, we spent the time talking about nothing in particular and pulling books from her shelves. Rin even improved in poetry, but only slightly.  
  
By the end of my time there, which was when the shop was closing, I’d managed to worm my way besides her instead of across from her. So, I felt accomplished for one reason or another by the end of the evening. I was in such a good mood that I walked home alone at double the speed as usual. In fact, even when I arrived home I didn’t stop moving. I did a small bit of singing and dancing practice just to exert myself. There was even some rolling around my bed sprinkled in.  
  
I didn’t sleep at all that night. I finished the book right before it was time to go to school. Even during class and breaks I wasn’t really paying attention. Instead, I’d decided to start drawing in a little sketchbook I’d been given from my mother instead. What I drew were flowers. This was entirely different from writing completely, but I’d hoped that I could show some of them to Rin sometime soon.

**********

“Good Evening, Mrs.Morikubo…” As Rin bowed in response to meeting my mother at the door, I couldn’t help but giggle. Two weeks ago, even I hadn’t bowed that deeply. Maybe I should have showed more respect.  
  
“Call me Keiko. Don’t worry too much about being formal. If Nono has given you the idea that we’re a serious kind of family, then you’re in for a surprise.” My mother was as friendly as ever and simply showed Rin into the house.  
  
“You are one of my favorite authors, Keiko.”  
  
“That’s nice to hear. You can mostly blame Nono for that, though. She tears me apart. If something isn’t up to her standards, she’ll attack me until it is.”  
  
“Hmm? This Nono? Attacking?” Rin looked at me as if that wasn’t possible.  
  
For some reason Rin pointed her finger at me as if there was another Nono in the room. Why was my mother trying to embarrass me all of a sudden? Rin didn’t need to know any of that information anyway. Naturally, I grimaced at her for putting me in what I felt was a bad light.  
  
“She doesn’t get angry if I say how I feel…so… Speaking of that, she should get back to work. She has a deadline tomorrow,” I said with less forwardness than I normally would. I was cross between biting my tongue since Rin was here and physically pushing my mother back into the living room.  
  
“Ah, you’re right. I’ll make dinner for you two as well, so be patient.”  
  
Eager to quickly get Rin out range of my mother, I led her up the steps to my room. I’d already made sure to hide the leather book somewhere else so she wouldn’t accidently find it somehow, so there were no problems letting her in right now. If anything I was just embarrassed about letting her see any other part of me for some reason. The book I’d given her should’ve been enough, but for some reason I was still nervous to the point of suddenly stopping in front of the door.  
  
“Nono?” After a second she’d tapped me on the shoulder, probably to check on my health.  
  
“Morikubo’s room is a bit childish…Is that alright?” My fear of being judged was likely what was stopping me.  
  
“I don’t mind at all. It’s Nono’s room, after all. It can be anything you want it to be.”  
  
Rin’s normal gentle voice was enough to get me to open the door proudly and walk in. As if she were going to inspect every inch of my room, I stood to the side where the closet was and simply let her gaze around. I was suddenly super conscious of the literal walls worth of books and the small bookshelves that were filled with children’s fairy tales. The dress on the wall, the small bouquet of flowers I’d bought from her shop a few days ago, and the small sketches of knights I’d started to draw that hung from the roof of my desk all suddenly made me fidgety. I had to tell myself that I’d already exposed so much of myself anyway that this wasn’t a problem.  
  
Of my own free will I had invited someone into my most precious sanctuary, so maybe it was natural I wanted to crawl under my bed even though it was Rin. What was starting to make me explode was that she hadn’t said a word since she’d walked in. She simply roamed around the room looking at things with a little smile on her face. Cute. Very Cute.  
  
“I’m jealous of your room, Nono.” She finally said after taking a seat on my bed since I didn’t have any more else to sit.  
  
“Huh? W-why? Rin-san?” To be fair, part of me thought I’d misheard her, but at the same time I was sure I hadn’t.  
  
“Hmm… It’s expressive. I’m not very good with expressing myself, so… I’m envious that you can do it like this.”  
  
Feeling like this was a good chance, I took my seat beside her on my bed and stared down at my hands in my lap. I didn’t know what this was a good chance for exactly, but part of me felt being close to her wasn’t enough to satisfy me. Whatever this urge was in my chest, I didn’t really know how to satisfy it.  
  
“I’ve always been…quiet. So, I have a lot of time to think about different things since I keep to myself. Morikubo is an emotional person… which is why I run away from things so much, but I’ve been able to put a lot more effort into things. Thanks to becoming an idol and meeting you, Rin-san..”  
  
I started playing with my fingers to stave off the tsunami of embarrassment that was washing over my body. More often than not my tone was negative or something along those lines, so verbally expressing my gratitude like this was almost painful.  
  
“Thanks for becoming my friend too, Nono.” In usual Rin fashion, she was forward about what she wanted to say, which was part of why I liked her so much. However, that didn’t really satisfy me right now.  
  
“Rin-san… Can we take a picture? Together?” Maybe it was because we were in my sanctuary, but I was feeling greedier than usual today… I wanted to be part of that pinboard in her room. I would feel more validated if I could get there.  
  
“Sure.”  
  
The best part was that she looked genuinely happy to go along with my idea. Since my phone wasn’t the most modern thing in the world and my camera wasn’t huge, we’d pushed our shoulders together. However, that still wasn’t enough to fit our heads in, so when we laid our heads against each other’s my heart skipped a beat. I’d never gotten close enough to touch her before, I’d always been afraid to make contact.  
  
Of course, I couldn’t steady the camera at this rate, so I had Rin do it for me. Only the sides of our heads and shoulders were touching now, but I was wondering if we could perhaps touch cheeks too… And then maybe, since were alone… li—  
  
“Nono? Are you okay? You have to open your eyes for the picture.” Her voice snapped me out of the little fantasy in my head quick.  
  
“Ah… Sorry, I’m just a little tired…” My heart was beating so hard that I felt that even my mother downstairs could hear it, but I focused for the picture anyway.  
  
I looked directly at the camera this time. My smile was crooked as usual and I looked less than enthusiastic, but that wasn’t how I felt in my heart. On the contrary, the normal feeling of giddiness and excitement coursed through me even more as I sent the picture to Rin. Of course, in comparison to her, I only served to make her look even better, but I was just happy to have proof that we were close.  
  
“I’m…Morikubo is going to the bathroom… Make yourself at home.” I quickly shot up and vanished from the room without even waiting for a word of confirmation from her.  
‘Calm down,’ I told myself as I sat on the closed toilet, touching my warm cheeks. Upon looking in the mirror, I knew that I was certainly red, maybe she would’ve thought I had a fever given how deep I had started to get into that fantasy…  
  
“Mmm…” Thoughts that I had no business thinking, especially with Rin here were starting to flood my head at an uncontrollable rate.  
I wanted to kiss Rin and maybe do other things. Not that I’d be any good at either of those things. In fact, I’d be really disappointing in anything involving physical contact. That kind of thing was impossible for me, but… I still wanted to do it sometime.  
  
I had been having these thoughts quite a bit lately. That was because the things I normally read had been starting to be...polluted with more adult things. I looked for more adultish romance novels as if I was trying to chase off my childishness or maybe I was looking for some sort of guide on how to deal with these feelings I had for Rin.  
  
But, now wasn’t the time to indulge myself, there was a guest here. So, I’d at least have to wait until she left my sanctuary. Putting some resolve into myself, I stepped out the bathroom after a minute or two and went back into my room to see Rin sitting cross-legged with a pile of my shoujo manga sitting next to her.  
  
“Welcome back. You have quite the collection. I don’t normally read manga. You have a thing for romance, huh?”  
  
“…I do. I love them.”  
  
Until dinner was done, we spent time putting together manga for her to borrow and I gathered the courage to show her some of the sketches I was less proud of. My mother had been helping me a lot of how to put things together, so I was already improving slowly, but surely. Once we’d gotten into a conversation about idoling, she suggested I put myself out there more, so that’s what we did. We posted the picture we took before to Twitter. There were floods of compliments on how cute I was and that our differences gave us synergy as well. Seeing those words from fans filled me with butterflies.  
  
At the dinner table, maybe since my father was absent, my mother felt the need to suddenly talk just as much in his place. She spoke about how I’d never brought a friend home before, and she didn’t even know I had a friend to begin with. When Rin spoke about how my personality sounded quite different from what she normally experienced, my mother just said that Rin hadn’t written anything particular grating to my eyes yet. That was true, of course, but I also didn’t want to scare her away somehow.  
  
At that table, I quietly listened to two of my favorite, blunt and inspirational people converse around me. I only spoke when I needed to, but I genuinely enjoyed this atmosphere. Normally it was just me and my mother talking at the table. My Father had probably eaten with us 3 times this year and we were pushing towards the end of it. It would be nice if I could bring Rin here every day and live like this.  
  
But, of course the fun had to come to an end eventually. I saw her off with a small box full of manga in return for the flower book that she’d given me prior. After helping clean up, I jetted to my room and started to write in that leather book, decorating the pages with roses, now that I knew the meaning of them.  
  


**********

  
Another two months later, I’d gotten comfortable with the fact that I was very certainly in love with Rin. I couldn’t question it anymore, nor could I hold myself back from saying something anymore. It had taken me a long time to pull this much positivity together. I’d done much more lives than usual, interacting with people was so much easier, eye contact was much less taxing than it used to be and I could even handle Akane for over five minutes now.  
  
All the aspects of my life that I’d gotten better at could be connected back to Rin. My school performance, my personality becoming mostly positive on the inside, my drawing, writing and confidence had all done a major jump since I’d met her. Now, I just had to show her for sure how I felt. Then, I’d go thank Sachiko again for everything she’d done for me as well.  
  
I think that the smile on my face was so big at that moment that it was embarrassing. I’d truly never smiled this hard in my life. It felt good. Everything felt good. I felt like I could certainly go on being an idol now that I’d found something to work towards. It felt so good having someone else to support me and possibly even like me as much as I liked them.  
  
I held the book in my hands as tightly as I could as I slowly, but confidently walked into the office and began searching for Rin. She was my knight, I was sure. That is why I titled the leather book, “To my Knight” in the best handwriting I could manage. I’d finally found someone who was patient enough with me that they didn’t give up after only a single month.  
  
I was going to show her exactly what I was feeling. That’s why I’d spent all this time working on this book, just to make sure I could get all my feelings across as her understanding of poetry increased. Everything in here was about her. Every page, every line and every rose I drew were a message to her. I put so much of my time into this. I’d even included my sexual feelings. I was willing to show her everything.  
  
“Rin-san…” Despite all of the quiet energy I had, I couldn’t turn it into the power to yell her name once I’d finally found her alone in a hallway.  
  
“Oh, Hello, Nono. I can’t read with you right now by the way. I have my live coming up, you know.” The smile she turned around to give me only bolstered my decision in giving her the book. I was at the point where I couldn’t care less about the small bit of people running through the hallway.  
  
“A-ah..um…Here,” Of course, that confidence withered the moment she took the book from my hands and started to look it over. “The password is 746… Please talk to me tomorrow…or call me tonight… Whatever works for you?”  
  
“It might be a day or two before I can really give it a good read, alright?”  
  
I nodded without saying a word. I was that patient. There was no problem waiting maybe a day or two. She was really busy lately, after all and we hadn’t had as much time together recently as we used to, but she had good reasons. Maybe the lack of being together is what spurred me onto confessing the most. I’d started feeling as if she were drifting away from me.  
  
Once we parted I went to look for Sachiko. Luckily, in terms of people that were easy to find she was either at the top of the list or towards the bottom. When she was studying, she was quite hard to find. Perhaps she never wanted people to see the effort she actually put into being as smug as she was. However, if she wasn’t studying, her voice was echoing from somewhere in the office.  
  
I hadn’t spent nearly as much time with her as I had Rin, but she had become the second person I’d considered a friend throughout my entire idol career. My phone had a few numbers inside now. Koume, Syoko, Sachiko, Mirei, Rin and the Producer summed it up perfectly well. Not counting my parents and my uncle, of course  
  
I had really come a long way and I had to think the first person responsible for that. Luckily, she was being loud at the moment, so finding her arguing with one of the trainers was pretty easy. I didn’t even wait for her to finish arguing; I had just walked in and hugged her since she wasn’t doing anything important at the moment.  
  
“Ah..Ah…See, Trainer-san? Things that aren’t as cute as me really are attracted to me. I’m like a cute magnet.” Sachiko patted me on the back purely because I was blocking her chest, I’m sure. “Also, what’s going on, Nono? Everything okay? Anyone bullying you that I need to take care of?”  
  
I just squeezed her instead of answering for now as the trainer excused herself from the room. I suddenly felt ashamed I hadn’t written her a poem as well. But, I wasn’t sure she would’ve understood it anyway, but it was the thought that counted. Regardless, I was sure I could verbalize my gratitude right now.  
  
“Nothing is wrong… I just wanted to say thank you for everything,” I nuzzled her head just a bit as I answered her.  
  
“Oh? Think nothing of it. Helping you study and everything was just me being a friend, but feel free to praise me more. I haven’t asked you about your grades in a while. Doing well?”  
  
“Mmhmm. I’m doing fine everywhere.”  
  
“No one bothering you for being quiet?”  
  
“Not at all. Everything has been fine.”  
  
“Just tell me if I have to attack someone else. We still wear the same size, right?”  
  
“I wouldn’t know if you’d grown, Sachiko.”  
  
“Hmm. That’s good. I have to stay small and cute, after all. Also, I’ll need you to let go of me now. I’m sweaty. Unless you’re into that kind of thing… That’s praise in its own right, I think.”  
  
Of course, I let her go. Less because of the sweat and more because it wasn’t her sweat that I was interested in. It was my knight’s that I wanted. I felt like I got my message across with the hug. I still hadn’t built up the courage to even hug Rin since I was still worried about self-control and maybe making her uncomfortable, but I didn’t mind hugging Sachiko.  
  
“You stink…” I couldn’t help but comment as I smelled myself. Rin wasn’t the entire reason that I’d more or less grown more blunt. Times spent with Sachiko definitely bolstered that as well.  
  
“That’s the smell of success, Nono. One day, you’ll smell like me all the time.”  
  
“Sweaty?”  
  
“Success.”  
  
“Why does…success smell like sweat?”  
  
“Success requires work. Work requires sweat. In this case, my sweat is cute.”  
  
“Hmm… I don’t sweat when I write…”  
  
“Your brain sweats.”  
  
“What is this...conversation…”  
  
“You using up my training time. Go hide under a desk or something. I don’t know what happened, but you’re looking pretty alright today.”  
  
“Something good should happen. It’s thanks to you, so I came to say thank you at least for what has happened up until now. Even if I fail again, I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve been helping me with.”  
  
For once, Sachiko actually looked embarrassed. She wasn’t as cute as Rin when she was embarrassed, but she was close. She looked around the room as if she couldn’t think up any words before smiling at me and puffing out her chest instead.  
  
“Of course, it’s me we’re talking about. Now, really. Get out. I can’t focus if you’re distracting me,” Clearly happy, she shooed me off by waving her hand.  
  
With a small bow filled with appreciation, I left and decided to make my way home to be patient for whatever amount of time I’d have to be for Rin’s answer to my confession. I’d been entertaining the thought that it wouldn’t work out but things had been going pretty well recently. Even if we hadn’t been spending as much time together, everything had been fine since I’d met her.  
  
I was motivated to write another poem about her right now, but I’d decided not to if I didn’t have that book with me, even if it was full. It wasn’t as if I was all positivity now, so that negative part of me that Rin and Sachiko’s influences hadn’t snuffed out was still telling me to protect myself from my own expectations.  
  
But, I mostly wasn’t listening. Even if I didn’t write that poem that night, or the one afterwards, I certainly had changed since I’d become an idol. I’d changed so much that I hadn’t truly noticed the severity of the degree until I’d met Rin again two days later, a week before her live. At that moment I really did understand that expecting something, preparing against something and preparing for the worst were all different things.  
  
“I think I understand, but I can't return your feelings. I already have Uzuki, Nono," I’m sure that Rin was holding the scythe of the grim reaper in front of me as she said that.  
  
It was right in front of me, held towards my neck. It was being brought back to me like a boomerang, warped in shape and sharpness. It was as if I’d put the trash in the recyclables and someone had thoroughly checked to see if anyone had thrown something molded in there and delivered it right back to the address. My heart clenched in agony for a different reason than I’d thought it might.  
  
My trembling hands took the book back from her. We were in the exact hallway I’d given it to her. I felt like I was at my own funeral, but I was simply being dropped into the grave without a casket in sight. The worst scenario was something even I hadn’t thought of. Truth be told, rejection was something I could’ve handled. I knew my chances weren’t 100% this entire time. But, this was on another level.  
  
“….” I didn’t say a word, instead staring at the title that I’d painstakingly wrote on the cover.  
  
I was having a flashback to 4th grade, when everyone in class had rejected me. I didn’t think that feeling would ever come back at this point. And I was correct that it hadn’t come back at all. That feeling wasn’t the same, in fact it was nothing compared to how I felt now, but it was the closest comparison.  
  
Rin stayed just as silent as I had. I wished that my legs could move under the weight of the thoughts crawling through my mind and heart. This was bound to happen anyway, right? This was certainly the natural order of things, my expectations not working out to what I wanted them to be. I was born to this kind of fate to begin with.  
  
I couldn’t tell exactly how long had passed before I could finally turn around and leave that spot. As I ran away, part of me wanted her to stop me, prayed for it even, but I that didn’t happen. I’d painfully made my way back to my sanctuary underneath the desk and hugged my knees together. Hiding somewhere else didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to be here for now.  
  
I was prepared for rejection. I had very much steeled myself for being told that my feelings weren’t returned. But, this was much, much, much worse. The book I still clutched to my chest and decorated with roses and poured my time into was now a symbol of my own stupidity. I really was no good at anything, wasn’t I?  
  
Maybe it was the poetry that made her dislike me so much? It could’ve been my newfound bit of ego that had ruined everything. That’d make a lot of sense. If that was the case then I just wouldn’t write anymore. If this is what all that effort would turn into then there wasn’t any point in doing it. There was no point in drawing, either. What was the point of knights who didn’t want the princess they had been putting time into?  
  
All of these thoughts started to chew at the positivity that I’d let grow within me in no time. My mind started to become an almost constant sense of negativity. Fear, hopelessness, sadness, inferiority and melancholy had all come back but even stronger than before. I remembered why I was the way I was before. Every bad memory sprouted its head again into a full tree that made sure to block out as much sunlight as possible from that little bit of hope I’d always had in myself.  
  


**********

A small, but cute lavender tornado with a mission marched its way below stage. An unforgivable sin had been committed and there simply wasn’t a way that she could let it go. This was the kind of thing she absolutely couldn’t stand for. In fact, the level of ignorance was appalling enough for her to take a day off for just for this confrontation.  
  
She ignored every staff member that tried to stop her and brushed off the Producer and security multiple times just so she could make her way directly below stage. After all, her friend had been in a state she wanted to describe as living dead for a few weeks now. She’d made the decision to try to deal with this herself since she couldn’t get through to Nono.  
  
Of course, when she came upon the three girls from New Generations, no one could stop her. She didn’t care that they were just a minute before their live. She didn’t care that they were smiling in a huddle. She didn’t care if everything was extremely peaceful between them at the moment while Nono was suffering beneath a desk besides coming every day. At the very least, she was going to ruin the concentration of every single person here if she had to. Absolutely and without regret.  
  
“Shibuya Rin!” Sachiko yelled so loudly that even the people far behind her could hear her echo. The rage present in her voice was enough to make security and staff freeze in place, let alone the unit in front of her.  
  
Uzuki, Rin and Mio were stuck in shock and didn’t really have a response. Instead the other two looked towards their other unit member, silently happy that their names weren’t called in that fashion. Uzuki was the most confused, but that was normal for her. If anyone felt that something particularly bad was about to happen, it was Mio.  
  
“Y-ye—“ Rin tried to respond, but was quickly cut off by Sachiko’s quick retort.  
  
“Are you stupid?! Why did you give it back to her?!”  
  
The only people in the room who knew of the situation that Sachiko spoke of indeed were Rin and Sachiko, that was why everyone else stared awkwardly. They saw that Sachiko kept a good distance between them which made it seem she wasn’t ready to get physical, but that was wrong. She was plenty ready to be fired as an idol this one thing. So, if Rin uttered a word that she couldn’t accept, she was prepared to make the situation much worse than it already was. All for Nono, the only person who truly had to deal with the circumstances of this.  
  
“I…” Rin started again, but was instantly cut off.  
  
“You what? You weren’t thinking? I know for a fact that she poured her heart and soul in what she gave you. I don’t even know the exact details of the gift, but I know she wrote for you. Even if there was one thing in there for you, why would you give it back?! Have you ever had a gift you bought for someone returned? Do you know what that feels like? I won’t claim to know how Nono feels entirely, but you know she’s not the type to get attached to people. Do you understand what giving something like that means to her? Ah, well, I guess I have to give you an idea since you’re one of those people who only think about themselves. Hey, Ms. Normal…” Sachiko turned her attention towards Uzuki immediately, deciding that she was the next step for her attack. “How would you feel if you put your heart and soul into a gift for Rin for months and months and then she gave it back to you?”  
  
“Ah…umm…” As if looking for support, Uzuki looked to Rin and Mio before deciding to answer herself. “Heartbroken…”  
  
“That’s right. Now, which one of you confessed to other?”  
  
“M-me…” Naturally, Uzuki couldn’t tell if she was getting Rin into more trouble or not, but the presence of Sachiko was way too intimidating at the moment for the people in the room to want to directly challenge.  
  
“Everything makes sense then. Your girlfriend probably had feelings for you beforehand but was too much a coward to confess them at any point in time. I bet she’s happy you took the first step. But, you know what? I’m jumping to assumptions. Shibuya-san, what did you think you were doing by returning that book?”  
  
Rin’s eyes darted around from security to the producer to her unit members, whom were all staring at her. At this point the live was late, but no one felt that Sachiko would actually let them go unless this entire situation was resolved.  
  
“I thought she’d understand.” There was absolutely no confidence in Rin’s voice despite what she’d said.  
  
“Understand something that you’ve never been through yourself? You’re joking, right? I thought I was the pinnacle of arrogance and narcissism all this time. You realize that you haven’t gone to speak with her for about a month now, right? Every day she comes to the office. She still manages her lives, even if she flakes out of lessons a lot, she’s been trying. When she does come out of the desk, it is for work. But, do you know who she’s waiting for at least a visit from? You, Shibuya Rin. Someone as sorry and inconsiderate as you are. You never deserved a girl like her to begin with, but at least handle the situation properly. She’s so negative that I’m sure she would’ve handled you saying you don’t have feelings for her fine, but I think returning that gift shattered her. I don’t know what you two talked about and she only told me a little bit of the details, but you certainly rejected her as a person and not just her feelings. I just wanted you to know that. I want you to think about this in your sleep. I want my cute face to haunt your dreams and nightmares for as long as you dare call yourself an idol!”  
  
Sachiko was so loud that her throat was in pain before she showed herself out of the building. If anyone here told on her, she’d have absolutely zero regrets. If this live were a complete wreck because she killed their focus, she’d have no regrets. If she could never be an idol in this agency again, she’d have zero regrets. This wouldn’t be the end of the road for her, but what was important is that it probably felt like one for Nono despite her still having the slight willpower left to continue being an idol. The reason, Sachiko didn’t know, but she wanted to make sure she could do that. Every foot she slammed down on the way back to the office was proof of that.

**********

“Hey,” She dropped down in front of my face all of a sudden. It was almost as if she were actually a quiet person. “Where’s your smile? I have good news.”  
  
Good news? Was there a point to getting my hopes up about anything at this point? On the question of where my smile was, I could ask her the same thing. While Sachiko’s default expression was normally more or less unapproving, at least with me she was always smiling. So, I could only wonder what she’d just gotten back from doing.  
  
Instead of responding to her with words, I shook my head. I didn’t really want to hear anything. In my heart I knew that she’d probably gone to confront Rin herself and made everything worse. That was why we didn’t want to tell her anything to begin with. Out of everyone in this office, she was definitely the person who would actively go stir up trouble just to defend me.  
  
But, in the end, when she kept coming to me in attempt to help, something made me want to vent to her. I couldn’t talk for long at that time because I was risking bursting into tears, but I gave her some of the details about what had happened. I had never seen Sachiko visibly angry before that point. I’d thought she was always calm. Honestly, it made me a little happy to have someone get angry over me, but I didn’t think I was worth that much to begin with.  
  
“Another day of not talking to me, huh? That’s fine. I’ll get to business, then. Find Rin and talk to her yourself soon. I softened her up, but I’m not going to promise you any results. So, for once, I’m going to tell you not to have hopes,” Sachiko raised a finger as if it would somehow hypnotize me.  
  
At hearing that, as much as I wanted to deny it, there was a little bit of hope restored in my position. I didn’t know what she meant by softening her up, but the bit of greed and positivity that were left in my heart were growing just a bit at considering her words. As if the answer was written in her eyes, I made eye contact with Sachiko with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever. Just as I’d thought, her expression was completely serious. But, still I wasn’t convinced. My negativity was stronger than my positivity and they were fighting each other on which I would act on.  
  
That was until her hand touched my head and lightly pet me and that serious expression she had on melted into a warm smile. The one she had constantly been visiting me with since this happened. I didn’t know what it was about that hand that seemed to break the dam itself. It was as if every time she pushed her hand around she wiped away the bit of control I had over my emotions until my eyes started to water and the bawling started.  
  
“You’re almost as cute as me when I cry,” squeezing her way into the desk with me, she held my head to her chest as I finally started to let things out. “You’ve been doing great, you know that? You still come to work every day, you’re still going to school, your lives aren’t nearly as messy as when you first got here and you’ve even upped your cuteness factor. You’re a good girl. If no one else will acknowledge that, I will. My cute self locked the door, so you won’t be interrupted.”  
  
I did exactly as she told me. I couldn’t stop at this point even if I wanted to. I don’t think I was crying purely because of everything that had happened with Rin. Pent up emotions from even years back were suddenly pushing their way through now that the dam had broken. I wasn’t embarrassed for once.  
  
I felt as if I was finally receiving the support that my parents had never once given to me. The compliments, praise and reassurance that I’d been silently wanting throughout my life were slowly healing me as she rubbed my back. The combination of physical and emotional affection made me feel as if things weren’t as bad as they were and that there was certainly still hope for myself even if I constantly made mistakes. Even if I spiraled back into depression after tomorrow, at the very least, I knew that I’d keep trying at some point.  
  
For the first time feeling someone’s warmth that closely, I returned her embrace in full and sobbed like a child until I fell asleep in her arms. For once in my life, even though I was sure it was only temporary, I felt 100% at peace and without worries.  
  


**********

When I’d woken up in Sachiko’s arms it was hours later to the point that the office itself had gotten dark. I lifted my head feeling relieved for once. None of my problems had been solved, of course. But, I felt lighter now after that. Even if I hadn’t vent with words, maybe crying was what I needed to pull myself together.  
  
When I looked over, Sachiko had her head propped up in the upper corner of the desk, silently having dozed off herself. Cute. Possibly as cute as Rin. Not wanting to wake her up just yet, I crawled out, doing my best to not disturb her and looked around the dark office. It seemed that no one had come in here since I’d fallen asleep.  
  
Wasn’t that odd, though? Curious as to whether anything was up, I slowly unlocked and opened the door to the Producer’s office, looking on the opposite side. There hung a sign that said ‘Producer hard at work. Do not disturb’. Ah, so she’d set this situation up just to talk to me. The thought itself made me smile widely. A smile that I’d honestly missed showing.  
  
Tomorrow would be the day that I decided to make my move. I knew exactly who I wanted to talk to the most. I had little hope that any part of it would go the way that I wanted it to, but I was going to try. I was doing this for myself and was very well aware of the possible circumstances. Mainly, I could hurt myself yet again, but I was willing to take that risk.  
  
So, after waking up Sachiko, we both went our separate ways to our homes but not before she teased me a bit for drooling all over her uniform. Why did she have to tease me after I cried my heart out? I thought it was rude, but I laughed with her anyway. My mood was good, so for once, I wasn’t feeling hunted. Tomorrow, I would be the one doing the hunting.  
  


**********

The next day, I’d brought one thing with me to the office. Regardless of what happened today, I’d taken the day off just to deal with any damage I’d take to myself. Using the ease that Sachiko had given me last night, I’d stood in front of the office steps and waited. As I’d thought, it’d only taken an hour for her to get here. She was a mostly punctual person after all.  
  
“Shimamura-san!” I had to make sure to stop her in her tracks or else she’d probably walk right by me.  
  
“Uh…Good Morning, Morikubo-chan….” Judging by how she was looking at the floor while I was looking at her eyes, Sachiko’s influence really was strong in both directions.  
  
“Come with me, please.”  
  
Without bothering to see if she’d follow me, I made my way for an empty training room. I was sure to actually look ahead instead of at the floor. Me and Uzuki were in opposite positions right now thanks to Sachiko. I had to take advantage of that before the willpower left me. This was also me steeling myself for what was likely to come.  
  
Once we’d gotten to the room that I had reserved, I led her in and closed the door behind myself. I didn’t want any interruptions, so I’d locked it as well. This whole situation shouldn’t take more than an hour, if that. Either way, I doubted I was going to leave this situation unscathed.  
  
Maybe it was because I was making eye contact, but Uzuki seemed to wither a little before my gaze. It was very odd being in this position. Was this what I looked like all the time? No, not all the time. This is probably what I looked like a long time ago when I couldn’t bring myself to interact with anyone anymore.  
  
“Shimamura-san. Why do you like Rin?” I wasn’t going to stammer my words or hold back here. Much like Uzuki, I planned on trying my best.  
  
“Ah…Huh?” Upon hearing my question Uzuki furrowed her brows, but immediately straightened up. When she confidently made eye contact, it was obvious that she was taking this seriously.  
  
I didn’t know why exactly I was doing this. I didn’t think that if I somehow beat Uzuki’s feelings that I would get Rin to become mine. This likely wasn’t even a matter of beating someone else’s feelings, but I still wanted to try. I could easily walk away from this, just like I used to run away from everything. Even if there wasn’t anything to gain from this, something in my heart made me want to ‘win’.  
  
“I love Rin’s smile. Sometimes she’s really scary to other people and it makes her uncomfortable and even the face she makes then is really cute. There’s also how she’s not really that in tune with her emotions and how blunt she can be at times. Her sense of style, too. I can’t pull off that, though. Ah, and her love for her dog,” She listed things off somewhat slowly. Uzuki's smile as she spoke about Rin was almost blinding, but she couldn't beat how my heart felt, not with such simple reasons.  
  
Yet, I recognized that smile now. That was the smile of someone in love. That was the same smile I saw her put on in those pictures when they were together on Rin’s pinboard. It was also the same sort of smile that Rin had on whenever she was alone with Uzuki. For a moment, I felt that had concreted their connection in my heart, but I still had a chance.  
  
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the poem book I’d written about Rin. I’d have her read this. Maybe at the very least I could make her realize just how shallow her reasons were. I loved Rin for so many more complicated reasons than that. They were things I could barely put into words and I’d tried my hardest with every line in this book. I would’ve been more satisfied had she said that she didn’t know why she liked her.  
  
“Please read this. Here and now. Every word from beginning to end,” I practically shoved the book into her hand. Perhaps this new feeling in my chest was frustration. Desperation was starting to creep up on me and the futilities of my actions were starting to matter. “The password is 746.”  
  
“That’s the password to my phone… It spells out Rin..” A little smile touched her face as she entered the password and latched the book. It was almost as if she was reassured or something that we had the same idea.  
  
Silently, she read for about a half hour. No one said a word as we stood there. If anything, I appreciated that she’d go back and forth and reread the same pieces over and over again. It was obvious that she was trying to understand what I’d written. She really did do her best at everything, didn’t she? Maybe that was her appeal. I was still someone who’d rather hide from scary things, so perhaps that was the reason Rin wasn’t attracted to me.  
  
After what felt like an eternity for me, Uzuki finally closed the book with a deep sigh that felt more like preparation than defeat. As she latched the book back and randomized the numbers on the dials her expression turned firm and convicted. And then, she spoke as she handed it back to me.  
  
“Morikubo-chan, the point of a relationship is to learn even more about the other person, at least that's what my mother told me... Even if...my feelings aren't as strong as yours, I'm the one she chose. I have to do my best and make my feelings even stronger than yours. Thank you, for showing me all the things about Rin that I missed.” Without another word from me, she bowed, walked right by me and left.  
  
My heart was hammering against my chest again and my hands were shaking. I felt…insulted by those words. Maybe it was the parents bit that scrapped at my mind. Perhaps it was the jealousy that she had been chosen before me. Or that I’d truly failed this time. No, even more than failed, I’d just given her ammo and taught her even more in the process. Now my chances were zero.  
  
I shouldn’t have been tearing up again. I’d known all along that this wasn’t going to result in anything. I’d repeated it to myself so many times, but of course it hadn’t sunk in. My heart was weak and there probably wasn’t ever going to be something I could do about it. Disgust for myself had taken over once again, but this time it felt different than the past month.  
  
I went back to my sanctuary under the desk. I didn’t want to try anymore. I’d just hurt myself again and again. Eventually even this whole idol thing would blow up too, wouldn’t it? People would eventually forget me if I simply didn’t show up anymore. If I could truly vanish away and not embarrass myself anymore, I truly would.  
  
But, just like before, as if I were mocking myself, I came to the office every single day and waited under that desk. I didn’t work or do lessons and the only person I responded to sometimes was Sachiko. I knew I was worrying her and everyone else, but I couldn’t really care anymore. I truly did want to vanish and wither away now. So, I sat like this for another month, denying the true reason I was repeatedly coming back.  
  
Nervousness, nausea, sadness, disappointment, fear, and anxiousness were only a few of the emotions that constantly swirled through my head daily. If I were a small puddle, then I was filled with more trash than I could fit. Even the smallest piece touched the bottom and towered well past the surface. Was I even recognizable as something as insignificant as a dirty puddle at the side of the road anymore? I doubted it. Surely, no, absolutely, that’s how it was.  
  
So, why was I still here? My eyes peered out from under the desk. I stared at nothing in particular, instead letting my negativity replace the blood in my body. I did this day by day. I was slowly, truly, impossibly becoming less and less willing to act on an urge that wasn’t hunger. The voices that tried to talk to me didn’t reach me; even the Producer couldn’t help me. The calls made to my parents didn’t make them speak to me about this in the least.  
What hurt me more than disappointing everyone was my heart. Of all the things I knew were true about me and my worthlessness, if I were honest with myself, my shortcomings were comforting. But, I truly hadn’t expected being hurt this badly. There was nothing comforting about it.  
“Nono!” A very demanding voice broke me out of my train of thought.  
Who it was didn’t matter to me. I’d decided I would reject whatever the advance was regardless. But, she didn’t leave no matter how much I shook my head without uttering a word. Sachiko said my name over and over again, trying her best to make eye contact… She wasn’t going to leave until I responded, would she?  
  
My eyes glued to the visitor badge on her breast. She shouldn’t have even been here. But she still came, day by day along with me. It was my fault that she’d gotten suspended indefinitely as an idol for being the cause of a failed live. Sachiko acted because I’d taken it upon myself to take a risk that I shouldn’t have and she’d lost her job because of it. But, still she came back for me under the excuse that she wanted a tour of the agency since she technically didn’t work there anymore.  
  
“W-what is it?,” I squeezed my voice out of my chest, feeling somewhat relieved to speak.  
  
“Come with me, Nono. I want to show you something that I think will help you. You can’t keep moping like this forever.”  
  
The nausea shot up again the moment she mentioned going outside. As long as I was in my sanctuary I could avoid Rin. She hadn’t come to visit me even once anyway… If I left and she came to visit and didn’t see me, then..  
  
“Nono.” Again, Sachiko kicked me out of my own head. I wish she wasn’t so pushy.  
  
“I can’t…”  
  
“Don’t start that. Come on. You want to feel better, don’t you? I’ve stuck my neck out for you all this time. If this doesn’t work, I’ll leave you alone for good. But, you wouldn’t want that, I’m sure. Someone as cute as me leaving you alone?”  
  
Reluctantly, I decided to go with her. I had no idea where she was taking me, but we ended up boarding a train. As usual, her mouth was a waterfall of compliments for herself and words of encouragement for me, but I wasn’t absorbing them. She also refused to let go of my hand the entire time. Honestly, that was comforting, even if this wasn’t the hand that I wanted to hold.  
  
When we exited the train, we walked for about an hour. Since I hadn’t been working much recently, my stamina was low and Sachiko forced breaks on me when I looked tired. I truly hated the sun. It seemed even more intent on exposing my weaknesses than even I was. Every second, I wished I was under the desk. That was until we got to the docks.  
  
Out of fear, I looked around at the empty wooden platforms and then out to the sunset. Normally in these kinds of moments, you could address the beauty of the sunset. The colors vividly painted against the rippling water. It was truly something worth writing a poem about, but I hadn’t done that in a while.  
  
“Nono, come here.” Sachiko beckoned me over to the edge of the dock which I very, very carefully inched my way over to.  
“I can’t swim…” I didn’t know why we were here. It was getting dark anyway and I didn’t want to be in an area I didn’t know at night.  
“Nono, do you know how to get home from here?”  
  
“No…”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
As Sachiko took a deep breath and that seemingly permanent smile faded, a bad feeling coursed through my body. It couldn’t compare to the pain I was already in, but it was certainly unpleasant. I felt like I wasn’t brought here for something fun.  
  
“You might dislike even me after this, Nono.”  
  
“W-what do you mean?”  
  
“Rin doesn’t love you like you do her. She probably never will feel that way about you.”  
  
My body went cold and the nausea came back. I didn’t need to hear this coming from anyone. Did she bring me here just to make fun of me? I really didn’t think she was that kind of person. Then again, she was a sadist, right? Ah, that’d make sense. I was weak and got singled out… That’s how it normally was.  
  
“After all the work you put in, she will always love Uzuki. All that time you spent improving yourself and your attitude. After all those lives, learning how to look at the camera, talking to people, and looking people in the eyes. Those poems you wrote for Rin, too. All of it for nothing. Oh, let’s not forget that failed confrontation with Uzuki.”  
  
Every word plunged into me like a knife at first, but I slowly started to digest them. I truly had put in a lot of effort, right? And I failed in the end like I expected to. That’s exactly what my life was. Just endless failure despite my efforts. That’s who I was, after all.  
  
“Do you think that’s fair, Nono?” She peered right into my eyes. For the second time in my life, I actually felt locked in place by someone else’s stare.  
  
“W-what…?” Fair? I’d never thought of what was fair for me.  
  
“All those accomplishments and the one thing you want you don’t get? How does it make you feel?”  
  
How did it make me feel? Besides hating myself for trying? All those smiles I put on… All those difficult talks I did… All those times I left my house and went to the office despite hating almost every second of it.  
  
“Angry…” I uttered.  
  
I did have that emotion in here too, didn’t I? The more I thought about all the things I’d done up to this point compared to how things turned out, the more my body started to heat up and my fists clenched.  
  
“Right? So, let’s talk about all the things that make you angry, Nono. Go ahead and let that one emotion carry you. Let my cute self listen to you. I’ll stand here all night with you.”  
  
I wasn’t sure why, but I did exactly what she said. The negative emotions that had been consuming me had quickly been converted into what I could only describe as rage. I thought about what I possibly deserved and how things had suddenly turned unfair. How I felt betrayed by Rin. How I was jealous of Uzuki. How I wish my parents raised me differently. How I wish the people in school didn’t harass me before despite coming in everyday to do my assignments. I wished the teachers would mind their own business and just let me keep to myself. How Sachiko had to come to my school in my uniform just to defend me. How she’d lost her job for an unknown amount of time just for me.  
  
As I closed my eyes and let those thoughts consume every cell in my body, Sachiko gently placed a hand on my back and moved me a step forward so I was in front of her. Then, I heard her take a deep breath,  
  
“I hate Shibuya Rin for hurting my friend!” The shout forced my eyes open to the waters in front of me and then brought my attention to her eyes. She was serious. Sachiko glared at the sunset as if it was Rin herself. “Your turn.”  
  
Without turning to me, she addressed me. I doubted I could be as loud as her no matter how angry I was. I was never the kind of person to yell, even now.  
  
“I..I—“ I stammered.  
  
“No, get mad. Use all that anger and let it go. Go ahead,” Another pat on back seemed to be what it took for the fuse to finally that ball of anger I had shoved down into my stomach.  
  
“I…I deserve better than this!”  
  
“I’m cuter than Ichihara Nina!”  
  
“I hate Shimamura Uzuki!”  
  
“My father is an idiot!”  
  
“I want to continue writing poems!”  
  
“I want to read Nono’s poems!”  
  
Every time I yelled, I felt something drain from me. Maybe it was all the negativity that I’d let fester within me all these years, but something about screaming was exhilarating. It was thrilling and painful, because it made me truly come face to face with my feelings. Even if some of the pain was being snipped off from yelling, putting them into my voice amplified them.  
  
My inferiority, my accomplishments, my wants and my fears—all of them crashed into my heart like a truck until every yell was choked with sobs. Perhaps if my tears were boiling water, they’d match just how angry I was at myself and others around me who didn’t even deserve it. Uzuki’s innocence, Rin’s guiltiness, my own expectations of myself and my parents were all things that were weighing on me.  
  
My final scream was just that. A loud sound using all of the air my lungs could provide. I didn’t know what it represented, since it was different from the others. It was…fun. I went on until I was empty and my throat hurt. Until there was nothing left. I painted the water with my feelings to replace the picture of the sun that had long since set. Everything that was on my mind, I sent it flying into the middle of the sea. My reward was a quivering body and stressed laughter with Sachiko.  
  
“You have a pair of lungs on you. You’re so quiet, I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t brought you here.” Sachiko sighed as she caught her breath. She’d been so intent on yelling with me that her own venting had turned into silly things related to vegetables and pencil quality, but I was once again smiling in earnest.  
  
“Mmn…” I nodded in response. Giving it my all had destroyed my voice.  
  
“I brought you here because I know what it’s like to bottle up emotions and let them out at the wrong time. I didn’t want that to happen to you. But, even more than that, I’ve never seen you angry. I’ve seen you experience every emotion under the sun except one of the more important ones. Anger is good, if you let it out. Stress relief is important. Do you feel better?” Sachiko smiled confidently at me, as if she already knew the answer.  
  
Better? My situation hadn’t changed at all, but some of my outlook had with something that simple… The shroud of negativity I’d been engulfed in was still there but…. I felt lighter. The anger was certainly still there, but I was laughing now. It felt so good that I was starting to cry again. My answer was another nod.  
  
“Good. Nono, the words I said earlier weren’t entirely me trying to provoke you, you know? I was being serious. Everything I said was really serious. Right now at least, Rin isn’t for you. Besides, who’d want an idiot like her, anyway? She’s boring, just like her girlfriend.”  
  
Rin was guilty here as well as me for jumping to assumptions… But, Sachiko was definitely right. There was no way that I was going to get what I wanted from her... at least not with Uzuki in the way. And, I was sure those negative feelings might overtake the anger sometime, so maybe this moment right now with Sachiko was only temporary, but I was going to enjoy it for every moment I could.  
  
For now, I’d just focus on Sachiko and how cute she looked in the moonlight. If anyone hadn’t done anything wrong here, I certainly believe that it was her. She was possibly the only constantly positive experience I’d had all this time and I’d never even noticed. I really was as much of an idiot as I thought I was.  
  


**********

One Year Later  
  
Every song, I screamed my heart out to the best of my ability. I focused entirely on singing and expressing my emotions with my voice to the crowd. Even if the lyrics didn’t really match, I always focused on intensity in communicating them at least, for my sake. Singing with Syoko truly was liberating. The year I spent in a unit with her truly gave me a better way of expressing myself entirely.  
  
I would’ve been happy if things had gone on like this for the rest of my idol career. I’d gained more confidence in myself after getting into metal and things that let me be as loud as I want and it’d run into my ordinary life, too. I didn’t hide under the desk anymore except to be with Syoko, nor did I run from situations when things became hectic. But, things weren’t as easy as that.  
  
She was right there, waiting for me backstage once my live was over. Only for a second did my old emotions glue me to the floor, but I took the first step towards her. I felt neither of us would move forward unless the other did.  
  
“Hello, Shibuya-san.” At this point, I couldn’t bring myself to call her by first name anymore.  
  
“You have this, Bonono-chan? Should I call Sachiko?” Syoko came from behind me with a hand on my shoulder.  
  
I shook my head and glared daggers at Rin. This wasn’t something worth calling Sachiko for. I finally had the chance to stand up for myself, after all. After Syoko left, Rin had suddenly shifted into a deep bow. I’d noticed her eyes were watering before I was asked if I needed help, but now I could see the tears hitting the floor.  
  
“I’m so sorry for what I did, Nono. I approached the whole situation wrong and I didn’t even noticed how you felt until it was too late. Everything you’ve been through is my fault.” Perhaps her ability to express her emotions had gotten better since she genuinely sounded sincere.  
  
“I can't forgive you for that. It's been too long, that's the bottom line of it. But, I hope Shimamura-san is treating you well,” My response came instantly. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to forgive her, but there were major consequences if I did.  
  
“I…understand. Before I go, I’d like to ask what you did with that poem book… If it mean anything, I’d be happy to keep it.”  
  
“It’s gone. I burned it.”  
  
“I…see. Goodbye then.”  
  
Watching her back as she left, I let out another sigh. It wasn’t that I’d completely gotten over my feelings for her, but I was no longer attracted to her. My reasons for leaving things as they were weren’t complicated. Sachiko and I had talked these things over several times. What had gotten me to this point a year later wasn’t a sudden shift in my ideals or personality. It was anger.  
  
I’d learned to channel my emotions into other things. My anger is what fueled my new passion of singing metal with Syoko. This situation where Rin and I were both possibly the bad guys was important for me to keep singing like this. The yelling was therapeutic and seeing the fans enjoy it as well only made me happier and balanced out the anger I held inside me.  
  
Yes, I was leaving this a mess for my own sake. I couldn’t tell if I had truly been being selfish and greedy all this time without realizing it, but I honestly didn’t care. In the end, I’d become a bit stronger of a person because of it. That was what mattered according to Sachiko. If I didn’t like my weakness, then it was up to me to change it, not someone else.  
  
What had given me trouble over the past year in particular was looking back on why I was as attracted to Rin as I used to be. I’d realized that answer was simple. She walked at my pace and was very likely to never slow me down or move me forward. All the choices I’d made during that time were mine. This meant all the progress I’d made were because I was infatuated with attracting a knight of my choosing. She fulfilled my requirements for comfort.  
  
A princess normally wasn’t allowed to choose her knight. I’d never once taken that into consideration, but it seemed that dress had really made me full of myself overtime. A dragon didn’t have to be as violent, ferocious or evil as they were in the fairy tales. Mine had been a quiet girl that was as comfortable with me staying inside the castle as I was. She never had intention of stopping me from escaping, but would never coax me into going out and meeting others, either.  
  
My knight had come to me before I’d even known. She’d been supporting me more than anyone and I’d still never given her the thanks she really deserved. Even now, I didn’t think that I could thank her enough for rescuing me from the place I imprisoned myself in. Becoming an idol truly was the best thing that had happened to me.  
  
The next step for me was certainly to fix my ego as a princess and capture my knight properly. I’m sure she was waiting right outside the venue for me as she normally was after our lives were over. I would handle things differently this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Silent Screamer is the name of Syoko and Nono's unit in Cinderella Girls for anyone who didn't get the reference.


End file.
